The Pause Before the Answer

I've noticed something interesting when I ask women a question during my In Her Element conversations. What is calling you in this season of your life? There is almost always a pause.

I have become fascinated by those moments. Not just by the answers, which can be surprising, but by the pause itself. It has made me think about how rarely we give ourselves time to sit with questions about our own lives because we are so busy.

I have been learning to make room for these questions in my own life. And I am discovering that pausing is not always easy. For someone who has spent much of her life working, building things and responding to opportunities. There is always something that needs attention. But I have learnt that the pause begins with something quite simple. Making time to ask the question, and not necessarily finding the answer. Sometimes I write a question down, scribble a few thoughts underneath it, leave it there and return to it another day. Sometimes I think about it while walking. A conversation with someone else might bring a new perspective. Or I notice something that keeps coming back to me. An idea. An interest. Something that excites me or has been bothering me. Slowly, I begin to understand a little more about what I am feeling and what might matter.

In one of my recent In Her Element conversations, I asked Josephine Okui Ossiya what was calling her in this season of her life. Josephine has had a remarkable career in finance and leadership. Yet her answer took us somewhere quite different. She spoke about her desire to support young people struggling with drug addiction.

I found that fascinating. Sometimes what is calling us has little to do with our professional identity.

As I have started making more room for writing, conversations, creativity and enterprise, I have found myself encountering all sorts of possibilities. Recently, someone asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks. Just because something needs to be built, does that mean you are the one who has to build it?

I have returned to that question several times. Because there are many things I could do. But which ones do I really want to do? Which ones deserve my time and energy at this stage of my life?

And there is another question beginning to emerge. Much of my life has involved creating spaces for other people. As a facilitator, I help people think together, share their experiences and work through difficult questions. At KaraSpace, I have created a physical space for people to gather and connect. And now, through In Her Element, I am creating another kind of space, where women can share their stories and reflect on their lives. I genuinely enjoy bringing people together, listening to their experiences and creating the conditions for meaningful conversations.

But I have begun to wonder: Where are the spaces in which I can simply be?

Where I can show up, listen, be curious, learn, enjoy the company of others and receive something from the experience, without being responsible for making it happen? It's an interesting question for someone who has spent so much of her life creating and holding space for others. I don't yet have a clear answer. I am beginning to think that learning to pause may involve more than finding time to reflect. It may also involve learning, occasionally, to put down the responsibility of creating the experience and simply participate in it.

Pausing, I am discovering, does not necessarily mean standing still. Sometimes, after sitting with a question for a while, we begin to see a direction. Not a complete plan, but perhaps a next step. We have a conversation. We try something new. We reach out to someone. Or we decide that something no longer deserves quite so much of our energy. We take a step, pay attention to what it teaches us, and continue.

And the pause itself doesn't have to be one big event. We don't necessarily need to disappear for a week or find hours of uninterrupted time. It can be a few minutes in the morning with a notebook. A walk. A conversation. A little space, made deliberately, in the middle of an otherwise busy life. I am still learning to make more of these moments. Some days I manage it better than others. But I am beginning to appreciate how those small moments accumulate.

What is calling you in this season of your life?

And perhaps another question worth asking is:

Where, in the busyness of your life, could you make a little room to pause, listen and simply be?

Ashanut